UK time is: 22:36:46
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Ray Mears To Become England Manager


FA chiefs have today announced the imminent appointment of survival expert Ray Mears as England manager.

With Fabio Capello seemingly unable to cope when England play across the water in Europe after a poor result in Spain last year, the FA have decided to act quickly. With the coming World Cup likely to be dominated by European teams, bosses want an expert at surviving such tough conditions in charge.

"This is a unique opportunity," said Lord Triesman on being questioned on the rumours. "Ray has enormous experience in dealing with extreme circumstances, especially those in foreign countries. With most new stadia being constructed outside of cities, Ray`s wilderness training will prove invaluable to our players and staff, most of whom are loath to leave the safety of London."

Mears is expected to name fellow nature junkie Bear Grylls as his assistant manager later in the week. "Myself and Bear have a lot to bring to the campfire you know." Mumbled Mears, already getting the hang of crap puns and mixed metaphors footballers are so fond of. "While I was in Venezuela, I came across a rare type of mussel that can boost extra-marital sexual prowess, which I`m sure will be popular in the England dressing room. Also, after I spent some time with the Fa`asali tribe of northern Tuvalu I tried a traditional way of expelling anger through turtle curling. I`ll be advising Wayne Rooney to try it."

There are also unconfirmed rumours that the cast of popular BBC3 programme 'The Real Hustle` will be joining the squad out in South Africa to provide scam protection on Johannesburg`s notorious streets. Bill Ford, head of negotiation at the FA, admitted it could be a possibility. "We have been in contact with the Real Hustle team. However, we can`t sort a proper interview with them, as they keep sending other people with suggestive names and office supplies keep going missing.

"There`s only so many times you can let Sue Weeney into the building before all our pens and desk toys have gone missing. We keep phoning the production company and following their instructions, but nobody`s replied to our emails asking where all the money we gave to the Nigerian general has gone.

"We needed that money to pay for Wembley, our 40% should have been paid into our account by now. At this rate we`ll have to start using the confidence tricks shown on the programme out in South Africa ourselves, just to make ends meet."


By Sheikh_Mahand



Bookmark and Share






You can listen to the Latics Speyk podcasts now by clicking on the player here:











Latics Speyk Car Stickers Have Arrived

Vital Wigan are pleased to announce that the Latics Speyk car stickers have arrived anyone who wants one follow the instructions in this link

Latics and Proud

Fancy writing an article about the Latics? Why not get in touch, we are always looking for new contributors, after all we are all Latics fans here and want to get the Latics message to the world, so if you have a favourite match or Latics memory get it jotted down, or whatever you want to say put it into an email and send it to us here at Vital Wigan

To get your article published just click here and we will put it onto the site


Vital Latics - Bringing you the Latics Speyk car stickers and the podcasts

It's easy to join us at Vital Latics to register , simply click the link and enjoy getting involved








Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Sheikh_Mahand Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Tuesday February 16 2010

Time: 6:35PM

Your Comments

Ray and Bear, they certainly could be the new Sven and Tord
worbo
Bear Grylls has certainly got the porn star name to live up to Tord's billing!
Sheikh_Mahand
LOL nice article
gabotheyido
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Wigan Athletic Articles

What The Bosses Said - Latics 1 Boro 1 (Monday November 24 2014)

Support Counts - Latics 1 Boro 1 (Sunday November 23 2014)

Stats: Wigan Athletic v Middlesbrough (Saturday November 22 2014)

Latics v Boro Big Game Preview (Saturday November 22 2014)

Brentford v Latics Fixture Time Change (Thursday November 20 2014)

Malky Mackay Appointed New Latics Boss (Wednesday November 19 2014)

Archived Wigan Athletic Articles

List All Vital Latics Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Whittleblue 206
2. worbo 138
3. scotdave 131
4. russialatic 120
5. hindleymonwafc 116
6. Pauvre Jean 116
7. Jonny_SuffolkLatic 110
8. albert jckson 96
9. Oscarbon 94
10. loudmouthblue 89

League Results (view all)

Latest Results
Wigan 1 - 2 Ipswich
Wigan 1 - 1 Middlesbrough
Wigan 3 - 3 Fulham
Wigan 4 - 0 Birmingham
Charlton 2 - 1 Wigan
Bolton 3 - 1 Wigan

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
18. Millwall 18 4 7 7 -5 19
19. Birmingham 18 4 7 7 -14 19
20. Brighton 18 3 9 6 -3 18
21. Rotherham 18 4 6 8 -10 18
22. Wigan 18 3 8 7 -4 17
23. Bolton 17 5 2 10 -7 17
24. Blackpool 17 1 4 12 -18 7

Breaking League News

On this day 2007
Blackpool : 24/11/2014 20:43:00
Pilkington - Time To Step Up
Cardiff : 24/11/2014 20:20:00
Slade - We're Still A Work In Progress
Cardiff : 24/11/2014 20:15:00
Leeds 'one club man' on Sky TV this week
Leeds Utd : 24/11/2014 19:46:00
Typical Derby For Dunne
Millwall : 24/11/2014 19:22:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Man of the Match v Boro
Suggested By:  Colin Crompton
Scott Carson 1%
Emmerson Boyce 0%
Ivan Ramis 0%
Leon Barnett 0%
Andrew Taylor 0%
Chris McCann 12%
Adam Forshaw 25%
Roger Espinoza 12%
Shaun Maloney 50%
Callum McManaman 0%
Marc-Antoine Fortune 0%