Vital Football

Latest Wigan Athletic News

Ray Mears To Become England Manager

Ray Mears To Become England Manager

FA chiefs have today announced the imminent appointment of survival expert Ray Mears as England manager.

With Fabio Capello seemingly unable to cope when England play across the water in Europe after a poor result in Spain last year, the FA have decided to act quickly. With the coming World Cup likely to be dominated by European teams, bosses want an expert at surviving such tough conditions in charge.

"This is a unique opportunity," said Lord Triesman on being questioned on the rumours. "Ray has enormous experience in dealing with extreme circumstances, especially those in foreign countries. With most new stadia being constructed outside of cities, Ray`s wilderness training will prove invaluable to our players and staff, most of whom are loath to leave the safety of London."

Mears is expected to name fellow nature junkie Bear Grylls as his assistant manager later in the week. "Myself and Bear have a lot to bring to the campfire you know." Mumbled Mears, already getting the hang of crap puns and mixed metaphors footballers are so fond of. "While I was in Venezuela, I came across a rare type of mussel that can boost extra-marital sexual prowess, which I`m sure will be popular in the England dressing room. Also, after I spent some time with the Fa`asali tribe of northern Tuvalu I tried a traditional way of expelling anger through turtle curling. I`ll be advising Wayne Rooney to try it."

There are also unconfirmed rumours that the cast of popular BBC3 programme 'The Real Hustle` will be joining the squad out in South Africa to provide scam protection on Johannesburg`s notorious streets. Bill Ford, head of negotiation at the FA, admitted it could be a possibility. "We have been in contact with the Real Hustle team. However, we can`t sort a proper interview with them, as they keep sending other people with suggestive names and office supplies keep going missing.

"There`s only so many times you can let Sue Weeney into the building before all our pens and desk toys have gone missing. We keep phoning the production company and following their instructions, but nobody`s replied to our emails asking where all the money we gave to the Nigerian general has gone.

"We needed that money to pay for Wembley, our 40% should have been paid into our account by now. At this rate we`ll have to start using the confidence tricks shown on the programme out in South Africa ourselves, just to make ends meet."

By Sheikh_Mahand

Bookmark and Share

You can listen to the Latics Speyk podcasts now by clicking on the player here:

[br]Powered by

Latics Speyk Car Stickers Have Arrived

Vital Wigan are pleased to announce that the Latics Speyk car stickers have arrived anyone who wants one follow the instructions in this link

Latics and Proud

Fancy writing an article about the Latics? Why not get in touch, we are always looking for new contributors, after all we are all Latics fans here and want to get the Latics message to the world, so if you have a favourite match or Latics memory get it jotted down, or whatever you want to say put it into an email and send it to us here at Vital Wigan

To get your article published just click here and we will put it onto the site

Vital Latics - Bringing you the Latics Speyk car stickers and the podcasts

It's easy to join us at Vital Latics to register , simply click the link and enjoy getting involved

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Date:Tuesday February 16 2010
Time: 6:35PM


Ray and Bear, they certainly could be the new Sven and Tord
16/02/2010 18:54:00
Bear Grylls has certainly got the porn star name to live up to Tord's billing!
16/02/2010 19:55:00
LOL nice article
16/02/2010 22:41:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Wigan Athletic Articles

Stats: Walsall v Wigan Athletic

All the stats from Walsall (0) vs (3) Wigan Athletic, Bescot Stadium, 21/3/18 Att: 4,477

Wigan without skipper Sam

The 26-year-old will miss the next two games

Match Officials - Walsall v Wigan

The Match Day officials for Wednesday's away trip to Walsall have been announced by the EFL.

Stats: Wigan Athletic v Southampton

All the stats from Wigan Athletic (0) vs (2) Southampton, DW Stadium, 18/3/18 Att: 17,110

Wigan Athletic Archived Articles

Vital Latics articles from

Site Journalists

The Latic
no email

Current Poll (see more polls)

Walsall MotM
Suggested By: Site Staff
Sub - Grigg0%
Sub - Roberts0%
Sub - Cole0%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
Vital Football Comment

Recent Wigan Athletic Results (view all)

Wigan Athletic Fixtures

Vital Members League Table

7.jeffs right52
8.Made in Wigan 51
Write for Vital Football