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The Secret Diary of Roberto Martinez Pt 7


It`s been a interesting week at Wigan, let`s see what has been happening behind the scenes in Roberto`s Secret Diary. Over to you Roberto:

Monday: Young James is still recovering from being hit by Wayne Rooney on Saturday. He has a huge bruise on his head, Old James isn`t helping by flicking his ear every few minutes. He`ll be getting flashbacks for weeks. Anyway, Graeme took him into the Disney shop to get him something to reward him for being so brave. That didn`t end well, Young James ended up running out of the shop screaming and in floods of tears thanks to the huge display of Shrek toys. We won`t be going there again.

Tuesday: Antolin is continuing his attempts to persuade the lads he is royalty. His latest act was to proclaim the training pitch at Christopher Park as his kingdom. We suspect he may have done this for Jordi, who has become his follower to get a bit of protection from Gary and Steven. He seemed pretty happy when Antolin let him take free-kicks all afternoon anyway.

Wednesday: Franco is in trouble with the RSPCA. We had him doing some practice in front of goal to try and help him get his first goal for the club. Unfortunately his accuracy was a little off today, and several crows perched on top of some of the cars in the car park were knocked over. And a badger. And three passers-by. We could really do with someone to help our strikers with their shooting, I wonder what Ashley Cole is doing this week?

Thursday: The lads have been learning some Shakespeare to perform today as a team bonding exercise. Ronnie has nominated himself to play the lead role in Macbeth, and is taking the role very seriously. He was brilliant, very moody and emotional. As his character died I`m sure I saw a tear rolling down Jordi`s face. Afterwards, I told Ronnie that I was happy with the intensity, we could take the positives from this and grow as thespians.

Friday: We`re a little bit worried about Gary and Steven. After Kolo Toure tested positive for a banned substance in a diet supplement, we think they might be next. Their AA group thinks they`ve been clean and sober for a week now, but we know they`ve been drinking. How else can you explain the sixteen cans of Tennent`s we found in the footwell of Steven`s car? They must have been getting someone else to do the urine tests for them, my money`s on Daniel de Ridder. Whatever he calls his new religion prohibits alcohol, and it would also explain why the Tennent`s cans were held together by goat`s lungs.

Sheikh_Mahand


If you missed any previous entries fear not, they are right here:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six



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The Journalist

Writer: Sheikh_Mahand Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday March 4 2011

Time: 11:13AM

Your Comments

Excellent stuff once again Sheikh
worbo
Funny as I loved Monday and Thursday
wigginer
Jordi Gomez needs to practice his free-kicks. I watched him before the united game and he took about 30 free-kicks at an open net and hit the post twice and put the rest wide or over the bar. Good effort.
nooney
when i first saw these secret diaries i just passed them off as interviews or something. after finally getting round to read them today i must say i haven't laughed this much in a long time. just what is needed to unwind on a friday. good job Sheikh.
fingoose
 

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