The Secret Diary of Roberto Martinez Pt 8
Well this week the lads have jetted off for a week in the sun in La Manga, let`s see what they`ve been getting up to - over to you Roberto:
Monday: We`re flying out to La Manga in Spain today for a training camp. Well, we would be if we could get Gary and Steven out of Duty Free. The only player missing is Daniel de Ridder. Apparently aeroplanes anger his new Sun god, so he`s having to walk the whole way there wearing nothing but wicker shoes. Seems like he`s just as worried about his all-over tan as his religious commitments.
Tuesday: We`re all watching the Barcelona v Arsenal game tonight. I`ve told the lads this is how I want them to play, this is what we should be aiming for. I`m not quite sure they got the message correctly though, the evening five a side game was very poor. Nobody touched the ball in the other team`s half, and it took almost until the end of the game before anyone had a shot on goal. Perhaps I should have been clearer, I wanted us to play like Barcelona rather than Arsenal.
Wednesday: The boys all got some time off this afternoon to relax. Mike Pollitt took Young James and Old James to the beach, hoping for some peace and quiet. Young James and Old James started building a huge sandcastle, a 1:100 scale model of Mr Whelan`s house. It took up most of the beach, nobody could get past it. Unfortunately Franco had followed them down to play some volleyball with Piscu and Maynor. Franco went up for a smash shot, mistimed it completely and fell backwards straight into the sandcastle, completely obliterating it. I`ve never seen tears like it, Young James especially was inconsolable. We`ll have to sort Franco out, I can`t remember anyone with less control over their limbs. Except Julius Aghahowa, perhaps.
Thursday: I was woken up early this morning by Graham, he rushed me down to the beach outside our hotel. He`d spotted Charles leaving the lobby with a small suitcase and a large oar, and decided to investigate. We just managed to catch up with Charles in time before he sailed off on a rickety raft made of whiskey bottles and cigarette packets. I thought we`d be safe now the transfer window had shut, no such luck. I`m sure we could make out a large nose on the horizon, and a familiar Geordie voice drifting across the waves.
Friday: Even when we`re in his own country, Jordi gets a hard time from the rest of the boys. Mohamed and Hendry dressed Ronnie up as a woman, while Gary and Steven got Jordi a little drunk on sangria in the hotel bar. Ronnie is a natural actor, and a worryingly convincing woman. Anyway, Jordi got very excited and started talking to Ronnie, and even started buying him drinks. As club captain, I left Gary in charge of making sure everyone got to bed unhurt - I just hope Jordi and Ronnie end up in the same room. That wouldn`t be a pretty sight tomorrow morning.
If you missed any previous entries fear not, they are right here:
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