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The Secret Diary of Roberto Martinez Pt 11




It seems like it`s been a quiet week at Wigan, a look behind the scenes will prove it`s not been quite as calm as it appears! Over to you Roberto:

Monday: Old James is still buzzing after he played against Brazil yesterday. He was a little bit confused by the fall-out from the person in the crowd throwing a banana at Neymar though. He just assumed it was for him, because he was looking a little bit tired. One of these days we`ll have to explain to him how racism works.

Tuesday: We were a little bit worried this morning, as Chris Kirkland didn`t show up for training. We waited about for several hours after we finished, but he didn`t arrive. He`s usually one of the first to arrive, but there was no sign of him today. I sent Graeme round to his house to check on him. He found Chris bent double on his front lawn, picking up the Bolton Evening News. He was wrapped in a towel and only had slippers on, so he`d obviously been there for a while. Graeme helped him back inside and lay him down on his sofa, but it could be days before Chris`s back gains any movement again. Even without realising it, those Boltonians are sabotaging our survival bid.

Wednesday: I went to Dublin today to show my support for Young James as he made his first start for his country. Unfortunately, he spotted me as he was singing the national anthem, and spent the next 90 minutes looking over and waving at me. Giovanni Trappatoni had to have a word in his ear in the second half, to make him concentrate on his football. I can`t imagine what he`d be like if his mum was in the crowd. Or even worse, Old James.

Thursday: The club organised an online chat with the fans today. I had to delay the start of it though, because I had to take a phone call. It was a man from Nigeria, he was calling on behalf of a Prince from somewhere in the country. He had died in a plane crash, and had left $100m without an heir. All he needed was my bank details and a one-off payment of $100,000, and then he could transfer the money. I was this close to ringing up Santander to move some money about when I recognised the voice. If Victor is going to pick up more bad habits on international duty with Nigeria we`ll have to stop him going.

Friday: The last set of our players returned back from international duty today. Prince Antolin was very disappointed by the lack of photographers at the airport; it would seem that the British press have yet to fall for his insistence that he`s part of the Paraguayan royal family. Luckily Graham had thought ahead and brought Jordi to act as a paparazzo, he gave him a camera and dressed him in a floor-length mac jacket. Unfortunately airport security assumed he was a flasher, and arrested him on the spot. I hope they release him in time for the game tomorrow.

Sheik_Mahand

If you missed any previous entries fear not, they are right here:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven

Part Eight

Part Nine

Part Ten


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The Journalist

Writer: Sheikh_Mahand Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday April 1 2011

Time: 9:46AM

Your Comments

Particularly liking the Tuesday & Thursday entries..
Thorpyness
Loved the Nigerian scam, excellent
worbo
I'm inclined to agree. Thursdays entry had me wetting myself.
fingoose
 

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