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The Secret Diary of Roberto Martinez Pt 12




This is an important week in Wigan`s fight to stay in the Premier League, let`s see what Roberto and the boys have been getting up to behind the scenes:

Monday: Ali still isn`t happy about Torres`s elbow on him for Chelsea`s goal on Saturday. Young James has tried to cheer him up by taking him to see the counsellor we arranged after Wayne Rooney attacked him a few weeks ago. Unfortunately I don`t think the endless Flintstones episodes and potato printing will work in quite the same way for Ali.

Tuesday: Jordi is looking forward to watching Barcelona play tonight. He is trying to get the British players in the team to appreciate the way they play a little more. Poor Jordi doesn`t really appreciate hard tackles like the British boys, as Gary and Steven are more than happy to demonstrate on the training pitch. Anyway, every time a Barcelona player made a good pass Jordi would get very excited and try to explain why this is a superior way of playing football. Equally, every time one of Shakhtar`s more 'agricultural` Eastern European defenders made a tackle, either Gary, Steven or Old James would re-enact it on Jordi. Needless to say, Jordi watched the second half in my office, alone.

Wednesday: We`re having some new lights fitted in my office at Christopher Park, after Franco broke the old ones with a wayward shot from outside. When they had been fitted, I tested them to make sure they were alright. They were really bright, but one corner of my office was in complete darkness. I told the man who installed them that I was pleased with the intensity, and if we could spread the lights out a bit we could learn from our mistakes and grow as electricians.

Thursday: Gary and Steven asked to go up to Blackpool a few days early, to make a long weekend of the trip. I`m sure they`ll just want to get a head start on the slot machines and beat the queues for the Pleasure Beach. Anyway, they`ve both been on their best behaviour for the last few weeks, so we let them travel up on their own. So long as the police don`t get involved I think we`ll have done alright.

Friday: Mike Pollitt is very excited about going to Blackpool this weekend. He`s been saving up his wages for months so he can play 20p bingo on the promenade all weekend. Last year after we played Blackpool in the Carling Cup he came back down the M6 with a bag full of Tesco vouchers he`d won, all that daytime television looks like it`s having at least one positive effect. Perhaps if he does the same again I could use his winnings to buy that Gyan fellow from Sunderland, Steve Bruce is always going on about how much he loves Tesco.

Sheikh_Mahand

If you missed any previous entries fear not, they are right here:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven

Part Eight

Part Nine

Part Ten

Part Eleven





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The Journalist

Writer: Sheikh_Mahand Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday April 15 2011

Time: 7:58AM

Your Comments (oldest first)

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I feel for Jordi, getting bullied for trying to bring a little culture to the club, but I wouldnt tell the Caldwells to stop!!!
worbo
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15/04/2011 08:02:00

Wednesday Is a classic
fingoose
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15/04/2011 11:55:00

 

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