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The Secret Diary of Roberto Martinez - Pt 15




The games are rapidly running out for Wigan to stay in the Premier League, let`s see how Roberto and the lads have been preparing for the run-in in the latest Secret Diary:

Monday: Gary and Steven are taunting Hugo after his mistake on Saturday. One of them will go up to him and offer a high five, while the other one sprints up behind Hugo and shout 'HANDBALL!` They even made him go in goal for the whole of our five-a-side games at the end of training. The worst thing was, he didn`t let a single goal in and pulled off some wonderful saves. Naturally, Gary and Steven are taking the credit for converting Hugo into his new position. Perhaps we don`t need to buy Ali after all?

Tuesday: I bought a new television today, after one of Young James`s tantrums broke my other one. The new one is really smart, a big plasma screen above my fireplace. I switched it on to my favourite arts channel, which was showing coverage of the carnival in Rio de Janiero. The picture looked very dull, with all the colours washed out. For the first time I can remember, I was not happy with the intensity. I told the delivery man to take it back and get an LCD screen, I will learn from this and grow as a consumer.

Wednesday: Antolin came into my office this afternoon asking for a pay rise die to his stellar form this season. He`s already on quite a large weekly wage, so I refused his request. I told him once Anderson scores twice in a game for Manchester United I will consider his request. I think our money is safe for a few years yet.

Thursday: Daniel de Ridder was getting very excited today. Apparently, May 4th is the date that his saviour, or whatever it is called in his latest cult, returns to Earth from the heavens. To prepare, he has been giving away all of his personal possessions, and refused to train today. In preparation to meet the saviour, he stripped naked and sat in the centre circle all day, looking at the sky. By lunchtime he had fallen asleep from exhaustion, and because he was getting red from all the sun, I told Old James to put some sunscreen on him to stop Daniel burning. We forgot about him until after training, and when we went back to him he was just waking up. It was only then we realised what a bad idea it was to ask Old James to do his sunscreen - Daniel had woken up with some awful words written on his back using the cream. We`ll have to ring Old James`s mum after this debacle, no way should a boy of his age be using language like that.

Friday: We travelled down to Birmingham a day early for the game on Saturday, to get acclimatised to the city. We have to keep a close eye on Charles, as Birmingham City nearly signed him in the summer - we don`t want to almost lose him again. After a tour of all the best sights of Birmingham - it took nearly 15 minutes - we returned to the hotel. I told Emmerson to guard Charles`s room door, just in case he tried to do a runner, Emmerson is the most dependable member of the squad, we figured it was a safe choice. Just before he went into the room for the night, Charles asked to take a few extra duvets, as it was a little chilly in his room. I gave him some extras from my room, and he scuttled off to bed. Everything was going fine until three in the morning, when I was woken up by Emmerson shouting from the corridor - Charles had gone missing. He had lied to us - his room was roasting, and all his extra blankets were tied in a long rope going out of the window. We`d better find him by tomorrow, that`s the last time we let him have a room of his own.

Sheikh_Mahand

If you missed any previous entries fear not, they are right here:

The Complete Secret Diary Entries




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The Journalist

Writer: Sheikh_Mahand Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday May 6 2011

Time: 8:42AM

Your Comments (oldest first)

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I wonder what bad words a young Scottish lad would know? Hmmmm
worbo
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06/05/2011 08:58:00

 

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