Vital Football

Latest Wigan Atletic News

Season Preview/Secret Diary of Roberto Martinez

Season Preview/Secret Diary of Roberto Martinez

The Sheikh is back!

The summer break is over for another year, and we stand on the cusp of the new Premier League season. With that in mind, let`s delve into Roberto`s secret diary for the first time this season. This week, he`s looking forward to the new season:

We are back for another year in the Premier League at Wigan, and there have been many changes. After the end-of-season party, Steven Caldwell went completely missing - even Gary couldn`t find him anywhere, despite checking all the Bargain Booze shops and park benches in the North West. It turned out that he had drunk so much he`d completely blacked out, woken up at St Andrews in Birmingham and assumed he played for them instead of Wigan. His contract was up anyway so we left him to it, even after Gary had threatened everyone in the vicinity. I hope he`s alright for the Norwich game, he seemed very upset when he stormed off with a bottle of Glenfiddich.

Another player who left us was Daniel de Ridder, who moved to Zurich in Switzerland. He told us all that he couldn`t find spiritual nirvana while living in Wigan, and the mountain air would be better for his Karma. I think someone should have told him that Kurt Cobain is dead, he won`t be finding nirvana anywhere no matter where he moves to. A Welshman also called me in July to tell me that he was leaving the club - he said his name was Jason. None of the staff had ever heard of him, so I told him he had the wrong number and put the phone down.

There was a lot of speculation about why I decided to turn down the chance of moving to Aston Villa a few weeks ago too, with people saying I lacked ambition. Well the simple truth is this: as soon as I realised that Steven Caldwell would be living in the city of Birmingham for the next couple of years, there was no way I would be moving. There are only so many times you can kick him off your doorstep while he sings Rod Stewart songs before you get a bit bored.

Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, Charles N`Zogbia broke through our blockade around Dubai to sign for Villa. We even had Graeme checking everyone flying into Birmingham airport to try and find him, but somehow he slipped past. Rumours that a portly man with a North-Eastern accent and a large nose smuggled him into the city in a red-and-white striped Transit van remain unconfirmed.

Our preparations for the new season went well - Mr Whelan finally threw in the two jars of Uncle Joe`s that Owen Coyle wanted to sign Ali permanently and we should have a playmate for Victor to do backflips with once Nouha Dicko signs. We also signed a man called David Jones on a free transfer; I`m convinced he`s just a plasterer who has mistakenly joined in training with the first team. Strangely, he`s quite good so we might have to give him a nice continental name so he fits in with the rest of the squad.

One problem in the run-up to the first game against Norwich has been the riots up and down the country. While there have been no problems in Wigan itself, we had a very near miss this week. Unfortunately, somebody let Young James and Old James watch the news on Monday night (Gary Caldwell was looking very guilty on Tuesday morning) and they got it into their heads that a small riot would be fun. They went mental in the canteen, smashing up tables and stealing Ribena cartons and squirting each other with ketchup sachets. We had to get Steve Gohouri to grab them both to make them stop - he`s the only one strong enough to stop them both at once. Spare a thought for Jordi though - we told the lads to try and get hold of a water cannon to stop Young James and Old James`s trail of destruction. Half an hour after everything had blown over, Jordi returned with a Super Soaker water pistol. Not quite what I had in mind, but at least he tries. So long as he learns from this mistake and grows as a peacekeeper he can be successful.


Bookmark and Share

Join The Vital Debate

Latics and Proud

Fancy writing an article about the Latics? Why not get in touch, we are always looking for new contributors, after all we are all Latics fans here and want to get the Latics message to the world, so if you have a favourite match or Latics memory get it jotted down, or whatever you want to say put it into an email and send it to us here at Vital Wigan

To get your article published just click here and we will put it onto the site

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Date:Thursday August 11 2011
Time: 9:15AM


Excellent stuff once again Sheikh, I'm sure I spotted the Caldwells on my trip to Argyll during the summer, maybe not
11/08/2011 09:19:00
Great to have the diaries back!
11/08/2011 10:37:00
Made me smile as always
11/08/2011 10:38:00
Top Quality Sheikh x
11/08/2011 16:59:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Wigan Athletic Articles

PWU Latics Podcast - Gary Caldwell Sacked!

The big news this week is Latics boss Gary Caldwell getting the chop after a poor start to the new campaign, just 2 wins in the first 14 games was enough for Sharpey to wield the axe

After Game Player Interviews Explained

Scientific researchers have discovered that a tendency for professional footballers to overuse the words 'um' 'ah' and 'err' in post game press interviews...

Gary Caldwell Sacked!

Wigan Athletic have announced the departure of first team boss Gary Caldwell just 6 months after lifting the League One title

Shane Duffy Sends Strange Tweet To PWU Man Adam

Brighton's former Blackburn Rovers defender Shane Duffy is once again showing his seemingly dislike for the Latics via his twitter account

Archived Vital Latics Articles

Vital Latics articles from

Site Journalists

Barry Worthington
Editor email
Dan Farrimond (JWAW)
no email
Adam Convery
no email
Frank Ford
no email
Noel Wards Leg
no email

Current Poll (see more polls)

Man Of The Match v Brighton
Suggested By: Matt McCann
Adam Bogdan11%
Reece Burke1%
Jake Buxton1%
Dan Burn15%
Stephen Warnock2%
Shaun MacDonald15%
David Perkins3%
Max Power3%
Nathan Byrne9%
Michael Jacobs37%
Will Grigg3%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Newcastle 14 10 1 3 31 19
2 Brighton 14 8 4 2 28 9
3 Huddersfield 14 9 1 4 28 4
4 Norwich 14 8 3 3 27 7
5 Sheff Wed 14 7 3 4 24 1
6 Bristol City 14 7 2 5 23 6
7 Birmingham 14 6 5 3 23 3
8 Reading 14 6 4 4 22 -3
9 Preston 14 6 2 6 20 1
10 Leeds Utd 14 6 2 6 20 -1
11 Brentford 14 5 4 5 19 5
12 Barnsley 14 6 1 7 19 3
13 Q.P.R. 14 5 4 5 19 -3
14 Fulham 14 4 6 4 18 -2
15 Burton 14 4 5 5 17 0
16 Aston Villa 14 3 8 3 17 0
17 Ipswich 14 4 5 5 17 -2
18 Wolves 14 4 4 6 16 -1
19 Forest 14 4 3 7 15 -3
20 Cardiff 14 4 3 7 15 -9
21 Derby County 14 3 5 6 14 -4
22 Blackburn 14 3 3 8 12 -8
23 Wigan 14 2 5 7 11 -3
24 Rotherham 14 1 3 10 6 -19
Write for Vital Football
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
The Vital Football Members League

Recent Wigan Athletic Results (view all)

Wigan Athletic Fixtures (view all)

Oct 29 2016 3:00PM : Cardiff City (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Nov 5 2016 3:00PM : Reading (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Nov 19 2016 3:00PM : Barnsley (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Nov 28 2016 7:45PM : Huddersfield Town (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Dec 3 2016 3:00PM : Derby County (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Dec 10 2016 3:00PM : Aston Villa (a)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

2.Get a Grip!279
5.Barry W114
7.jeffs right84
Vital Football Comment