UK time is: 09:28:55
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Season Preview/Secret Diary of Roberto Martinez




The Sheikh is back!

The summer break is over for another year, and we stand on the cusp of the new Premier League season. With that in mind, let`s delve into Roberto`s secret diary for the first time this season. This week, he`s looking forward to the new season:

We are back for another year in the Premier League at Wigan, and there have been many changes. After the end-of-season party, Steven Caldwell went completely missing - even Gary couldn`t find him anywhere, despite checking all the Bargain Booze shops and park benches in the North West. It turned out that he had drunk so much he`d completely blacked out, woken up at St Andrews in Birmingham and assumed he played for them instead of Wigan. His contract was up anyway so we left him to it, even after Gary had threatened everyone in the vicinity. I hope he`s alright for the Norwich game, he seemed very upset when he stormed off with a bottle of Glenfiddich.

Another player who left us was Daniel de Ridder, who moved to Zurich in Switzerland. He told us all that he couldn`t find spiritual nirvana while living in Wigan, and the mountain air would be better for his Karma. I think someone should have told him that Kurt Cobain is dead, he won`t be finding nirvana anywhere no matter where he moves to. A Welshman also called me in July to tell me that he was leaving the club - he said his name was Jason. None of the staff had ever heard of him, so I told him he had the wrong number and put the phone down.

There was a lot of speculation about why I decided to turn down the chance of moving to Aston Villa a few weeks ago too, with people saying I lacked ambition. Well the simple truth is this: as soon as I realised that Steven Caldwell would be living in the city of Birmingham for the next couple of years, there was no way I would be moving. There are only so many times you can kick him off your doorstep while he sings Rod Stewart songs before you get a bit bored.

Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, Charles N`Zogbia broke through our blockade around Dubai to sign for Villa. We even had Graeme checking everyone flying into Birmingham airport to try and find him, but somehow he slipped past. Rumours that a portly man with a North-Eastern accent and a large nose smuggled him into the city in a red-and-white striped Transit van remain unconfirmed.

Our preparations for the new season went well - Mr Whelan finally threw in the two jars of Uncle Joe`s that Owen Coyle wanted to sign Ali permanently and we should have a playmate for Victor to do backflips with once Nouha Dicko signs. We also signed a man called David Jones on a free transfer; I`m convinced he`s just a plasterer who has mistakenly joined in training with the first team. Strangely, he`s quite good so we might have to give him a nice continental name so he fits in with the rest of the squad.

One problem in the run-up to the first game against Norwich has been the riots up and down the country. While there have been no problems in Wigan itself, we had a very near miss this week. Unfortunately, somebody let Young James and Old James watch the news on Monday night (Gary Caldwell was looking very guilty on Tuesday morning) and they got it into their heads that a small riot would be fun. They went mental in the canteen, smashing up tables and stealing Ribena cartons and squirting each other with ketchup sachets. We had to get Steve Gohouri to grab them both to make them stop - he`s the only one strong enough to stop them both at once. Spare a thought for Jordi though - we told the lads to try and get hold of a water cannon to stop Young James and Old James`s trail of destruction. Half an hour after everything had blown over, Jordi returned with a Super Soaker water pistol. Not quite what I had in mind, but at least he tries. So long as he learns from this mistake and grows as a peacekeeper he can be successful.

Sheikh_Mahand



Bookmark and Share



Join The Vital Debate


















Latics and Proud



Fancy writing an article about the Latics? Why not get in touch, we are always looking for new contributors, after all we are all Latics fans here and want to get the Latics message to the world, so if you have a favourite match or Latics memory get it jotted down, or whatever you want to say put it into an email and send it to us here at Vital Wigan

To get your article published just click here and we will put it onto the site






Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Sheikh_Mahand Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday August 11 2011

Time: 9:15AM

Your Comments

Excellent stuff once again Sheikh, I'm sure I spotted the Caldwells on my trip to Argyll during the summer, maybe not
worbo
Great to have the diaries back!
J_Mo
Made me smile as always
Thorpyness
Top Quality Sheikh x
VivaAthletic
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Articles

Archived Articles

List All Vital Latics Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. worbo 175
2. Oscarbon 156
3. Marksparko 128
4. Pauvre Jean 88
5. Jonny_SuffolkLatic 81
6. Noel Wards Leg 79
7. Lazysid 73
8. Thorpyness 71
9. legolad 71
10. scotdave 67

League Results (view all)

Latest Results
Burnley 2 - 0 Wigan
Wigan 3 - 0 Reading
Wigan 0 - 1 Millwall
Wigan 1 - 0 Leeds Utd
Wigan 2 - 2 Leicester City
Bolton 1 - 1 Wigan

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
2. Burnley 44 25 14 5 34 89
3. Derby County 44 24 9 11 30 81
4. Q.P.R. 44 22 10 12 15 76
5. Wigan 43 20 10 13 15 70
6. Reading 44 18 13 13 12 67
7. Brighton 44 17 15 12 12 66
8. Forest 44 16 17 11 7 65

Breaking League News

Francis: It's all to play for
Bournemouth : 23/04/2014 08:10:00
Howe: We have been frustrated
Bournemouth : 23/04/2014 08:02:00
Cook: My best goal to date
Bournemouth : 23/04/2014 07:57:00
LUFC On This Day - April 23rd
Leeds Utd : 23/04/2014 07:22:00
Any Previous? - Latics v Blackpool
Wigan : 23/04/2014 07:00:00
Meet The Ref - Latics v Blackpool - Andy D'Urso
Wigan : 23/04/2014 07:00:00
Reading 2 - 0 Middlesbrough
Reading : 23/04/2014 00:21:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Man of the Match v Burnley
Suggested By:  Disappointed Ted
Ali Al-Habsi 4%
James Perch 7%
Emmerson Boyce 7%
Leon Barnett 38%
Stephen Crainey 0%
James McArthur 7%
Jack Collison 0%
Jordi Gomez 0%
Jean Beausejour 15%
James McClean 0%
Marc-Antoine Fortune 15%
Callum McManaman 0%
Rob Kiernan 7%