Vital Football

Latest Wigan Athletic News

Alternative ways to pass time in the off-season

Alternative ways to pass time in the off-season
Struggling to fill the football-shaped void in your Saturday afternoon/Tuesday evening/small time Internet weblog? Going out of your chequered icosahedron-shaped cranium waiting in vain for Saturday 5th August to arrive?

Well, maybe reading this small collection of vaguely related words and concepts might help pass a few short minutes until teatime. And who knows, perhaps you may actually be bored enough to do some of the outlandish things suggested in the following paragraphs*.

*Don't do them, kids. My lawyers have instructed me to say that. - Not Ed.

Keep refreshing teletext page 302 in the forlorn hope a headline might one day read 'Latics sign Spanish legend'. Then when it does, toss the remote control out the window as you realise it was actually talking about Oldham Athletic and Diego Lopez. Blasted Beeb and their brazen button-baiters.

Make a list of the worst ever Wigan Athletic players, then use them to create a custom team on Pro Evilution International Superstar FIFA 64 2018 for the Blintendo Segabox. Play a friendly against Argleton Town and send a photograph of the winning screen to Thisisdefinitelynotafakecomp, Gullible, Notascam, Kerguelen. First entry received that isn't doctored in WinPhoto gets a copy of Marc-Antoine Fortune's new book Grant Holt Stole My Chippy Tea.

Make up a hilarious story about an ex-player who's currently out of contract and watch in amazement as bored newspaper journalists believe every single word of it. Appear on the Sly Sports Booze Network at 6:32AM with a fake name such as 'Lum Baygo' to confirm it's actually true that Grant Holt did indeed steal Marc-Antoine Fortune's fish supper.

Write stupid clickbait articles about how to pass time in the off-season. If everyone did this, there would be enough filler content in the Latics web to pass the time until the start of the 2054 season, when Ben Watson Jr. will take charge of his first game at the newly-branded (but same old) Uncle Sharpe's Discount Biscuits Stadium.

Well, writing all that passed a few minutes, I guess. Now, I wonder how many daily Bovrils I'll have to skip to afford the new Latics replica shirt? Where's me abacus...?

Writer:Dan Farrimond
Date:Saturday June 17 2017
Time: 10:29AM

Best of International Football News


Login to post a comment

Recent Wigan Athletic Articles

The PWU Podcast Live From The DW Stadium

Barry, Simon, Adam, Paul, Gareth and Mick are on location. Check out the latest PWU Podcast - Live From The DW

Jack Byrnes bridges as he switches Latics

The 21-year-old wasn't in Paul Cook's plans

Vaughan on the verge of signing

James Vaughan currently in Wigan finalising his move

Sky Bet PotM December Winner - Burn

The Sky Bet Player of the Month winners for December 2017 are in.

Wigan Athletic Archived Articles

Vital Latics articles from

Site Journalists

Dan Rodenby
Editor email
Dan Farrimond
no email
Kieran Makin
no email

Current Poll (see more polls)

Will Latics win League One this season?
Suggested By: Paul Cook
Too early to say13%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
Latest Vital Boxing News
Vital Football Comment

Recent Wigan Athletic Results (view all)

Wigan Athletic Fixtures (view all)

Vital Members League Table

1.Get a Grip!119
8.jeffs right49
9.The Chet41
Write for Vital Football