The Nosey Barstool Chronicles: A goalkeeping solution?
But Paul Cook's daydream was at once shattered by a knock at the door. He looked up to see Tash Forton, the club's resident small time Internet weblogger, peering through the large hole where a door handle once resided.
'Excuse me, gaffer, but there's a guy that says he can play in goal for us.'
'Oh good, this might save me a job! Send them in,' commanded Cook in a Lord Sugar accent.
'Oh, but I'm already in your office,' came a voice from the waste paper basket. 'I've been here for the last 2 years.'
From the crumpled remains of shredded contracts emerged a raincoat-clad figure. His face was 89% covered in year-old stubble and chunks of morning coffee biscuits.
Lunging forward, Forton snatched the 1920s trilby from his whisky-soaked forehead.
'Gasp, you're not Nosey Barstool, our beloved private investigator... you're Adam Bogdan! I thought you left after the Barnsley floodlight incident!'
'That's what they wanted you to think,' replied the man. 'And I would've gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling managers.'
Paul Cook raised a quizzical eyebrow. 'Look, forget all that... we need a goalkeeper for Friday's game against Liverpool. Can you handle that?'
Bogdan attempted to light his cigarette with a Smarties packet, but it slipped from his grasp to the heavily scratched linoleum flooring.
TO BE CONTINUED...